Today has been kind of a rough day. Sude broke her foot (poor thing) so I have just been sitting around the house. I guess I started wıth worrying about a friend back home who is having some hard times. If I were there I could maybe help this friend but over seas I am so useless. This worry and frustration pushed me into the hostility phase I suppose. I started to get really frustrated.I am still frustrated but have calmed down a little. Being away has really made me love some everyday things we have at home, for example anti itch cream or English key boards. Im slowly finding the humor but still every day is such a challenge because I am so out of my comfort zone. I cant even remember what it is like to understand what people around me are saying or to have someone who understands exactly where im coming from. I am an alien alone on a unknown planet. I suppose without these challenges, there wouldnt really be a point to going.
I am also feeling a lot of really uncomfortable anxiety. Im stuck in between two worlds- not quite fitting into the Turkish world, but wanting to, but not wanting to give up and completely forget people back home. Im scared after these ten months the people I love and I will fall apart and break away. That thought kills me.
This same friend made a comment also that I have already changed so much. I didnt see how that was possible but it is, and i am already a whole other person. So you could say my goal of growing as a person has already been met.
So, because i know these goals are possible and worth while and that this experience could only amount to good, i will continue on my treck, standing tall and strong. But let me say this- Ten months is a long time.